Monday, 29 August 2011
Cherish Your Cherubs Project: Remember
This is Week Two of the Cherish Your Cherubs Project. This time it is to REMEMBER. It is to spend some time remembering a special moment that relates to your cherubs. A time that touched your heart and helped you to feel closer to your children. It could be a birth story, something they accomplished, or a moment your shared together. I thought I would write a paragraph on each of my wonderful children.
The smallest of my babies, at only 2.9 kg, you were petite and lovely. I was overcome with emotion with the enormity of the situation. I had this very important little person, who was totally reliant on me for everything. You weren't a very settled girl, and you did a lot of crying in those first few weeks. Looking back it was probably my fault. I was stressed and worried and wanted so much to be the perfect mum. I realise now that 'the perfect mum' concept is a fallacy, and to be 'the best mum that you are able to be' is what I should have been aiming for. You smiled at your Daddy on your first day. He mentioned it to the midwife and she scoffed at him. But as she was carrying you away to be weighed you gave her a smile too and she was amazed. She said She's smiling at me! I tried so hard to breastfeed you. But because of my stress and the fact that, let's face it, you weren't very good at it, I couldn't keep it up. I lasted for 12 weeks. Then I gave up and felt like like such a failure. I shouldn't have been so hard on myself. I switched to bottles and you started thriving! I remember checking in the milestone book when you were 11 months old and it said you should know about 5 words by now. We added up the words you knew and got to over 200. We knew then we had a very special little girl. You were just beautiful, like you are now.
You were in such a rush to get into the world. You picked a stormy, wild night to do it too. We called a ambulance, as the contractions were coming every 2 minutes. It was the first time I had ever been in an ambulance, but I didn't really have a lot of time to look around. I remember the paramedic timing the contractions and she kept asking me do you feel like pushing? .... how about now?... Looking back I actually think she may have been a bit disappointed that she didn't get to deliver the baby herself. It must be a wonderful experience. Labour was relatively easy and you had arrived. You were so different in temperament to your sister. You worried me greatly, because you slept a lot of the time. I had a hard job even waking you up for your feed. I remember lying back on my bed, at one stage, and crying and crying. The very stern, matronly midwife tut-tutted at me. I remember being so angry, but I think it was what a needed to get myself back on track and focused on the job at hand. Anger is needed sometimes. You were a clever girl too. Just amazing with your hands, very, very dexterous. Your scissor skills even at 2 years old, were just amazing. You are just amazing Hannah. A very special little girl.
You were in such a hurry too. But like your sisters, you were very late. I was 8 days overdue and was booked in for an induction at 7.30pm that night but thankfully, like me, you didn't like that idea you came all by yourself at 7.00pm that night. The girls got to see you a few minutes after you were born and that was very special. For the first two months, whenever we were out, you would be in the sling. You loved it in there. I remember going up to the school, with you in the sling and the mums there would say, I don't think you have a baby in there at all. If you were ever unsettled and crying, I would pop you in there and you would go straight to sleep and I didn't hear another thing from you. What a smile! Your whole face lights up and it blows me away every time. With your blonde, curly hair and blue eyes you are gorgeous and the girls are going to like you a lot when you get older. I will need to get my stick out.
You were probably the most painful birth. But still relatively easy like all of my children. I have been very fortunate. You were the biggest, at 3.8 kg and I felt it. The similarities you share with your big sister Bethany are just amazing. You have a certain empathy with your sister and I think you will be close all of your lives. Just after birth , the nurse put you on my chest, you looked at me, with your beautiful eyes and smiled at me. I remember not being at all surprised, it seemed like the most natural thing in the world. I realised about 30 minutes later that it usually isn't done that early. But you were never one to follow the crowd. You are bossy and very loud, such a temper and a bit of a bully to your big brother Angus. But you are incredible. You give great cuddles. You are volatile, and what you see is what you get. You are 'out there' and I love you for it.
I am so proud of all my kids. They are so special. They teach me about life, just as much as I teach them. They are all such amazing little people.