Where was I when they were handing out self esteem to everyone?
Maybe I was hiding under a rock, to scared to come out because of my low self esteem...
I find it very hard to comprehend why some people have it oozing out of their pores, some are comfortable in their own skin and others say they are nervous and shy while displaying this confident, self assured face to the world and say it is all an act.
I haven't got any of those things. On the computer I can be myself, I can relax, I can put down in writing the many, many things that go through my mind. Face to face I come undone. My nerves take over, I feel stupid, I feel scared of people, I feel so inferior. I have always been this way.
People like me. They see me as someone quiet, calm, intelligent, caring, somewhat boring and slightly odd. Yes, I agree there is nothing to dislike. I am easy going, don't like confrontations and will always put others needs and wants ahead of my own.
At the moment I am feeling very defeated. I hate that about myself. I am not a quitter. I have been fighting my inner demons all my life. But now I am tired. I don't like myself.
I want to assure people that there is nothing to worry about with me. I am OK. My kids are my world. While I wish at times, that I was a better mum. My kids do deserve a mum who cares about herself, who cares about her personal appearance and always wants to look good, a mum that her children are proud of. But how can I do that when I find everything such an effort?
How can I say on one hand that there is nothing I wouldn't do for my kids and then on the other hand say I don't care about their mum. Surely if I love them so much I can do this for them. I can pick myself up and be the mum, the person I want to be. There is nothing I wouldn't do for them.
Do you suffer low self esteem? Do you feel shy but put on a brave face and bluff your way through. Do you have a healthy ego? Please share. I would love to know.